Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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