Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
