Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
