Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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