i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
