weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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