it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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