I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
