If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
