just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
