don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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