so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
