All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
