just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
