Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
