Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
