3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
