discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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