mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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