yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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