god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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