In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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