You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
