You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
