youre lurking in front of me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
