pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just tell him i said nine months
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
