i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
