somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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