Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
