So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In America we eat man semen.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
