I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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