I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
