please come you make the beer taste better
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
