ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
