He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
