I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
