you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
