how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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