This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
