so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
