I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
