I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
