Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
