Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
