Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
