I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We just shotgunned beers for America
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How does one acquire holy water?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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