Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
