I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
