so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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