i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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