Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My ass is underappreciated
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
