I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
