I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
