It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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