that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
